I can't do this anymore

I'm about to give up on him. He's being a total jerk! I dont know what the hell I did!! So screw him and FML!!! I will no longer expect anything from him...nothing at all...it's your loss...

It's pretty bad when...

Today, I nearly had a complete breakdown in front of everyone. I had to go into the bathroom just to pull myself together so I wouldn't be out there crying my eyes in front of everyone because you are acting like this. You are tearing me up! I can barely think straight. Right now I so badly want to freakin kick your ass. Next time I see you I don't know how I'm going to react. Am I going to be cool and act like nothing is wrong (like I normally would do). Or will I not even glance at you? Will I just walk up to you and push you and tell you what a jerk you've been? Right now I really just want to walk up to you and push you soo hard and freakin tell you off but I know me and I'll just act like normal. One day I hope you get to read this nifty blog I've done because I think like 99% of my posts are all about you. Most of them are about how you've hurt me and how your being a jerk. That should show you something.....I don't know why but...to be straight up...i need you. I need you soo bad. Your my best friend and I just need you too be that best friend that you used to be. No holding back. But what I really need to do is let go of you, and forget about you, and stop expecting anything from you. I have to move on and stop letting you do this to me. I have to but will I be able to?....

I'm trying not to let you get to me...

But you are. I don't know what I did...or if I have anything to do with it. Maybe your just not talking to me because you don't want to. Seriously though? This is driving me crazy! It frustrates me and confuses me and just really upsets me. I try so don't ever say I don't and do not blame me when one day things start falling apart. Because all of it (well most of it) is because of you. You don't just do this...one day things are great...then next thing I know the table is turned. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe I'm not. You don't know how bad you've hurt me. Yet, you keep hurting me over and over again! It hurts so bad! It's like you stabbed a knife into to my heart and forgot all about it and you have just left me here to suffer with a knife in my heart...slowly ignorantly killing me! No your not my boyfriend...you don't have to be to break my heart. I think I'm starting to realize that my dreams are wrong. Maybe your not the one for me...I don't know why I ever thought you were. You rarely show me that you appreciate me...it's like you take me for granted. One day your going to lose me and I won't come running back to you when you call. If you call. Almost every guy I know treats me better than you. They call me beautiful and actually pay attention to me...I am a girl ya know. I know you know I'm a girl ;). I have emotions, feelings, thoughts, I am a person! So, next time when you try to talk to me I might just be a total jerk and I won't feel bad about it because that's how you treat me 75% of the time. A little taste of your own medicine. It doesn't taste good does it! But you'll prolly just blow me off and forget all about me. Forget about everything that we have. If only you could see how much pain you cause me maybe you would understand and maybe you would stop your shit and for once think about me...